Writing Therapy

I’ve told myself for sometime now that I should blog …. not for the fame or because I thought I lived an interesting life, but because I have a story to tell. And it goes like this.
“As she wiped her eyes and woke again for another morning she had wished it was all a dream. Yesterday had never really happened. But as the vision cleared from her eyes, she recognized the same four walls she had tried a million times wiping from her memory. The same four walls that she knows will haunt her for the rest of her life. She stood up and started placing her belongings into a black trash bag, the same thing she has done every morning for almost a year now. Knowing what her day has in store for her, she continues on. What had become of the strong independent woman she once was? How did she become so broken and cold? That my friends, is for another time.”
” She stayed up thinking of all the possibilities in life. The WHAT IFS, and the SHOULD OFS. How would her life be if things played out differently? Would she be happy? Or would she be the cold broken hearted women she is today? She would never know. She could only think…. let her mind wonder off into a world that no longer exist. A world that would never exist. A world where the ups never turned into downs, and grass is always green no matter whose side of the fence you were on. She tried so hard to let her thoughts lead her to a happy place, a familiar place, where the roses were always red, the sun always shined bright, and the stars …. oh the stars, how they would twinkle so beautiful in the black lit sky. She tried. Tried draining out the screaming, the crying, the constant negativity, the energy that was bringing her down. She tried. Reminding herself that this isn’t the worst, things will get better. She tried. And tomorrow is another day”
” Her eyes burned from the sweet sweat dripping down her face. Her backed ached from the heavy weight carried throughout her journey. Her feet, swollen from the miles and miles of torment she went through. But her smile, lightened up every room in the building. She wouldn’t give in. She stood strong against the crowd! She would let them know, that no matter what they threw at her, no matter what form of obstacles came her way, she would triumph over them. She knew the physical abuse would heal, leave scars and reminder of her  pain. But nothing was more satisfying then knowing that her accomplishments, was torture enough for them. And she lived to tell another story”
“Memories of laughter and joy lingered in her mind, but the feeling was unfamiliar. Had she grown so cold. Her only emotion did not exist. What had the cruel cold world done to her? She finds herself drifting away into her memories. Purposely looking for something, anything that could bring her back to that once happy and joyful woman she was. But she got nothing. What had become of this woman? What torment and torture had she gone through to not believe in life? To not feel sorrow, or pain? What form of pure darkness took over her to make her not feel? What had become of her?”
“She knew it was for the best. Deep down, she knew. Her heart ached for his touch. She often closed her eyes just to imagine, just to remember, how his sweet smell would send orgasmic tingles up her spine, how his smile would leave her blushing. And his lips.. his soft pink plump lips, they could send a girl fantasizing for days. But she knew. His nights was not spent alone. His thoughts, was never of her. And his heart, belonged to someone else. She knew. It was the toughest decision to make. Stabbing herself in the heart, leaving the blade. A reminder to herself of the hurt, the pain, the torment she endured. Never again will she feel. Never again will she love. But she knew. Leaving was for the best. Until another day”
Her blood boiled with envy, greed, HATE! What has become of her? What was this temptation that took over her? Images rushed through her mind, images she did not recognize. It scared her. It frightened her. But all at the same time, it excited her. The feeling rushed through her body and left her wanting more.  Every waking moment, she felt for it, she urged for it, she craved for it. It was like a drug that she coudn’t get enough of. What had become of her? This once kind, innocent young girl. What has possesed her heart to feel this way? Revenge, oh it tastes so sweet.
How much could she take? How much longer did she have to pretend? Why was she pretending? To please him? To please THEM? Whatever reason it may be, it wasn’t for herself. This wasn’t what her life was supposed to turn out to be. She was destined for greatness. She was better then this. She DESERVED better then this! So why stay and continue to live this life? Why not end it all and make herself happy? Questions lingered in her mind every split second of the day. Everytime she looked at them she asked why. And till today, her answer still remains a mystery.
Her vision became blurred by the distractions of her heart. She ached with confusion on her decisions that lay before her. What will she do? What will she become? Her reflections show that no matter the decision, someone will be left in the harm. Someone will break. Regardless if it was going to be herself or someone else, the thought just tore her apart. But that’s life, and there is nothing that she can do about it.
The salty taste of her tears touched her lips. She couldn’t take the pain, the hurt, the anger. She believed in him. She believed in herself. Where had their love gone? Memories ran through her mind of their first encounter, their first laugh, their first everything. Where had their love gone? The butterflies are gone, the kisses are no longer sweet, and the laughter has faded away. So she cried. For the last time, she cried.
For the life of her she didn’t know how to love. She knew nothing of love. She grew up not knowing love, for no one thought she was worthy of it. For her love is useless, love has no meaning, love has no purpose. Love is non existent.